Simply Put. . .Waiting
Wait--it's a four-letter word but I've never categorized it in "that" category before the previous few months. It's such a common word in our society, whether it's spoken or inferred by someone. I tell my daughter to "wait" when I'm in the middle of something, whether it's talking on the phone, working or even coming to get her out of bed in the morning. I remember when I was little, I would ask my mom for something (maybe a new toy or piece of clothing)--and sometimes, her answer was "We'll see." I came to really dislike that response. To me, that usually meant a delayed "no." Did anyone else's parents use that response with them? I'm sure I'll use it with my daughter soon enough.
What makes waiting so difficult? For me, I know there is something about being "in the know", in control and achieving immediate gratification--whether that's with regards to food, what's happening in our world, a new purchase, or something intangible. I would venture to say this is true for most people (or at least I would like to think it's not just me who struggles with this!)
Over the past few months, I've had a particulary hard time waiting. But, it has nothing to do with food, having a conversation with someone, buying something at a retail store, or even waiting for the seasons to change. . . I've had a hard time waiting on the Lord. And, here is what I've come to realize. . .
I don't like to be in the unknown--I don't like sitting on this side of the situation, knowing that it could turn out one way or the other. As a result, I entertain both scenarios in my mind, sometimes creating more anxiety and fear as a result. I have compared the situation our family is in to the following. It's a bit like finding out months in advance that someone in your family will be involved in an accident--but you won't know the outcome (favorable or unfavorable) until the actual day. So, you sit and wait with that knowledge, for months, agonizing over the result. Nothing anyone can offer or do will change the situation--you simply wait.
In the midst of this waiting, there are times when I feel like I am mentally throwing a tantrum, standing in front of God, stomping my foot and saying, "Ok! I'm tired of waiting! Enough!" Is it surprising to anyone, though, that this doesn't change anything? I'm still left to. . . wait.
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5
It has been comforting over the past months to remember that God, ONLY God, knows what He has in store for our family in this situation. I am constantly trying to place my hope in His promises and not focus on the circumstances--I wish I could say that I was getting better and better at this.
When I was little and I asked for a certain outcome for something and I got the "we'll see" response, I remember an especially hard part of the waiting was knowing that I COULD end up with the "favorable" response. . . but it wasn't guaranteed. And, let me point out that by favorable, I mean favorable by my definition. I wasn't considering that my mom might have her reasons for denying my request. So, it was particulary devastating, as you can probably imagine or relate, when I in fact ended up with the "not-so-favorable" response. Oh, how utterly devastating (to my young mind)--to sit and stare, mentally even, at what could have been.
Many years later, I'm encountering something similar with waiting on God. I think an especially hard part of it all is knowing that I could receive a favorable outcome--but not being guaranteed it; knowing that God's best for me and our family may be something different than my mind can grasp at this moment.
And, yet, I cling to the fact that God knows what is best and He will equip us to handle what He provides. The more that things seem out of control, I need only to look to God, our creator and sustainer, for comfort. I remember telling a friend recently, "I want to be able to rejoice in the Lord regardless of what the outcome is." And her response was, "Are you waiting for the emotions to be there first?"
So, I choose to rejoice in the Lord for what He provides, for His answer at the end of the waiting. And, I praise Him for what He has done and continues to do in my heart during the waiting. Because I do know that regardless of the outcome, I will never be the same. I have realized that the silence of waiting can be deafening--to the point that you can't ignore what God may be trying to impress upon your heart.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4
What makes waiting so difficult? For me, I know there is something about being "in the know", in control and achieving immediate gratification--whether that's with regards to food, what's happening in our world, a new purchase, or something intangible. I would venture to say this is true for most people (or at least I would like to think it's not just me who struggles with this!)
Over the past few months, I've had a particulary hard time waiting. But, it has nothing to do with food, having a conversation with someone, buying something at a retail store, or even waiting for the seasons to change. . . I've had a hard time waiting on the Lord. And, here is what I've come to realize. . .
I don't like to be in the unknown--I don't like sitting on this side of the situation, knowing that it could turn out one way or the other. As a result, I entertain both scenarios in my mind, sometimes creating more anxiety and fear as a result. I have compared the situation our family is in to the following. It's a bit like finding out months in advance that someone in your family will be involved in an accident--but you won't know the outcome (favorable or unfavorable) until the actual day. So, you sit and wait with that knowledge, for months, agonizing over the result. Nothing anyone can offer or do will change the situation--you simply wait.
In the midst of this waiting, there are times when I feel like I am mentally throwing a tantrum, standing in front of God, stomping my foot and saying, "Ok! I'm tired of waiting! Enough!" Is it surprising to anyone, though, that this doesn't change anything? I'm still left to. . . wait.
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." Psalm 130:5
It has been comforting over the past months to remember that God, ONLY God, knows what He has in store for our family in this situation. I am constantly trying to place my hope in His promises and not focus on the circumstances--I wish I could say that I was getting better and better at this.
When I was little and I asked for a certain outcome for something and I got the "we'll see" response, I remember an especially hard part of the waiting was knowing that I COULD end up with the "favorable" response. . . but it wasn't guaranteed. And, let me point out that by favorable, I mean favorable by my definition. I wasn't considering that my mom might have her reasons for denying my request. So, it was particulary devastating, as you can probably imagine or relate, when I in fact ended up with the "not-so-favorable" response. Oh, how utterly devastating (to my young mind)--to sit and stare, mentally even, at what could have been.
Many years later, I'm encountering something similar with waiting on God. I think an especially hard part of it all is knowing that I could receive a favorable outcome--but not being guaranteed it; knowing that God's best for me and our family may be something different than my mind can grasp at this moment.
And, yet, I cling to the fact that God knows what is best and He will equip us to handle what He provides. The more that things seem out of control, I need only to look to God, our creator and sustainer, for comfort. I remember telling a friend recently, "I want to be able to rejoice in the Lord regardless of what the outcome is." And her response was, "Are you waiting for the emotions to be there first?"
So, I choose to rejoice in the Lord for what He provides, for His answer at the end of the waiting. And, I praise Him for what He has done and continues to do in my heart during the waiting. Because I do know that regardless of the outcome, I will never be the same. I have realized that the silence of waiting can be deafening--to the point that you can't ignore what God may be trying to impress upon your heart.
"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4
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